Love in the time of Tinder

To say nothing of the love of the boomers.

Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash

[Thursday | 12.30 pm]
One new match.
23. Works at a Dental College. Gorgeous.
He locks his screen and puts the phone back in his pocket. Finally!

[Thursday | 11.28 pm]
One new match.
He opens her profile. Daaaaaaaamn!!! Screenshot. Share to — 2 people and a group chat.

Typing…

Hey :)

Hits delete.

Wassup! How you doin’?

Before sending, he goes back and opens her Tinder profile for the 13th time today.
Okay, what do we have — 23. Gorgeous. Out of my league. Been to Egypt. WHO THE FUCK GOES TO EGYPT! Rich parents I assume. Favorite music — “Señorita” by Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello and “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. BASIC! That’s a relief. She goes to expensive parties, has attractive friends, has pictures with dogs... His logical part of the brain realizes he is not getting this date.

Calm down… she did swipe me right. I am cute and a nice guy. She definitely seems to be the type who values herself and has a good eye for nice guys. But I have this one shot after 3 months, cannot let my first match go to waste.

This calls for my ‘A’ game!

She has to respond to a question, HELLOs and HIs aren’t going to make the cut. I’ll ask her something she seems interested in. The profile with no bio doesn’t help.

[40 minutes of Google and Reddit later]

What do you say to a healthy discussion on the effects of pop culture over Uganda’s annual banana production over beer and smoke?

[SENT]
Here it is. My Creation. My Mona Lisa! All my years of western movies and tv shows and books I pretended to have read to come across cool. All that in this one text. This is stupid AF! She would either take it as the funniest thing she read here or would think I am brain-damaged. But this is gold.
Screenshot. Share to — 2 people and a group chat.
This is so good. I should become a writer!

There are tens of possibilities. He is thinking about all of them — at the same time. Hope for the best, plan for the worst and take whatever comes!

[Friday | 12.20 am]
He spends some time on YouTube. He opens Tinder again. There have been countless times when people did not receive a notification for a new message. He heard about this from his active Tinder friends. One of them claims he never sent anything beyond a lousy ‘hey’ and still got her phone number so the trick is to be cool and not let anxiety make you come across as a creep. He is chill… I am as chill as a fish inside a small bowl. Fish are pointless.

One match. No new message.
He re-reads his message. Still fresh. Girls that beautiful and rich are not up after 12 on a Thursday. He consoles himself.

[Friday | 01.45 am]
Good thing I wasn’t expecting a reply. I mean I don’t think we could have ever worked even if we tried. I don’t like partying and then dad would never approve of a southern girl. “If you are not dating to marry, why are you even dating?” That is so true. He opens the app for the last time before sleeping.
One match. No new message.

[Friday | 08.00 am]
One match. No new message.
Fuck it! I don’t care.

[Friday | 12.30 pm]
One match. No new message.

[Friday | 09.30 pm]
One new match.
One match. No new message.
Screenshot. Send to — 2 people and a group chat.
Alright! Alright! Alright!

He checks this profile. 24. Lawyer. She seems alright. But this one sparked no joy. He closes the app again.

[Friday | 11.30 pm]
One new match. No new message.
Of course. It was too good to be true. Good riddance!
He opens the new profile. Two pictures — one with a generic tilted-head, pout-mouth, V signing in a local park and the other, in a club with a couple of decent looking girls. No need to overthink.

What do you say to a healthy discussion on the effects of pop culture over Uganda’s annual banana production over beer and smoke?

He closes the app.

[Friday | 11.34 pm]
One match. One new message.

> Hahahaha sounds fun! ^-^

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